Charisma Killers: Stop Sabotaging Your Stage Presence

John: 00:00:00

I've got a question for you.

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Have you ever delivered a talk or

a presentation, and even if you

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thought everything had gone well,

it just didn't land, or at least not

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the way you thought it was going to,

you didn't get the results that you

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thought you would get, you might have

been clear, maybe really confident.

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You may even have been

funny, but something was off.

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So what have I told you that it might

not be your content or your delivery,

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but a hidden charisma killer that

you didn't even know was there.

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In this episode, I'm going to share with

you three charisma killers that I see

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all the time working with clients, plus

stories of real people with their names

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changed, of course, who overcame them?

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So let's dive in.

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My name's John.

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I'm a keynote and presentation coach,

and this episode is something of a warmup

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for a special that I've got coming up.

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It's called Charisma Killers.

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It will be a live event on LinkedIn

and YouTube, and I'll give you more

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information about that a bit later on.

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But on that training, I will

be revealing the seven biggest

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charisma killers that sabotage your

stage presence, your influence,

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and even your long-term bookings.

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So today I want to give you a

taste by walking through three of

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the most common charisma killers.

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They are overexplaining or

over teaching incongruent

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energy and a lack of curiosity.

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So let's start with one that I see almost

constantly from speakers, especially

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with a training or teaching a background.

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Let me introduce you to Tina, and

that's not her real name, but she is

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a real client who came to me because

her keynotes weren't landing and Tina

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was and is from a training background.

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Highly experienced and

incredibly knowledgeable.

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Great at what she does, but when she

got on the stage to deliver a keynote,

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she couldn't switch off the teacher.

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She'd walk her audience through every

concept, explain every angle, and

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overfill the talk with content or

value as she was referring to it as.

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The result, her audience was

overwhelmed with information,

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maybe even confused, but certainly

somewhat disengaged because of it.

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And she ended up being frustrated

because she knew that her content

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was good and the impact was there,

the transformation was there.

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But here's the thing, training and

keynote speaking are not the same game.

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They are different beasts.

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Training is more about clarity and depth.

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You have the opportunity to go

deeper and share more, teach more

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keynotes, have more of a reliance

on energy, emotion, connection,

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and inspiration to take action.

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So she was bringing the right skills into

the wrong moment, and she's not alone.

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Another speaker I worked with not

that long ago, we call her Kay.

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She also came from a teaching background,

and what she was finding was that she

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wasn't really getting rebooked and

her workshops weren't really landing.

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So once we worked together to

switch off teach mode and switch

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on connection mode, things started

to change and pretty fast as well.

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In fact, within weeks of us having started

working together, she was reporting back.

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The feedback she was getting from events

was much better, especially when she

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went back to an event where she was

rebooked to speak, she was told by the

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event manager that the transformation in

her content and delivery was exceptional

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and was definitely a big improvement.

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So overteaching is a charisma killer,

and if your audience feels like

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they're just being overloaded or

force fed information and content,

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it will ultimately shut them down.

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It's too much for their brains to take

in, in the scope of a keynote talk.

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They don't really feel seen, they don't

feel connected, they don't feel a need

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for more information if you've delivered.

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Everything already in the keynote,

even if they forget most of it,

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the moment they walk out the

door, it's deadly for charisma.

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So let's talk about incongruent energy

and let me tell you about Anthony.

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And Anthony was a passionate speaker.

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Still is.

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He masked his nerves by going full

motivational speaker mode, and he

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was not a motivational speaker.

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Now, it's always good to bring a bit

of that motivational speaker energy

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where you can for certain parts of

the talk, the high energy, the big

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smiles, the enthusiastic delivery

was great, but none of it was real.

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It wasn't authentic to him.

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The more he tried to pump up his

energy, the more disconnected his

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audiences felt and the more disconnected

he felt from what he was doing.

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So he looked the part, he maybe even

sounded it to some degree, but something

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wasn't quite clicking, and audiences

can always feel that if there is an

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incongruence there, if how you are

trying to be perceived doesn't really

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match up with the general energy

or demeanor, people will notice it,

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even if they can't quite explain how.

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That's incongruent energy.

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We've probably all encountered

that at some point.

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We've either seen it in others or we've

experienced it for ourselves as well.

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So it's when your outer delivery doesn't

match your inner emotional state.

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Or the emotional tone of your message,

so you can see it in people smiling

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whilst they're delivering serious

news or overly animated delivery

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for a subtle or intimate message.

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Fake confidence, masking

fear or insecurity.

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It creates cognitive dissonance.

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And audiences might not know why,

but they will feel that something's

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off and they'll start to disconnect.

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And once Anthony learned how to ground

his energy, match his delivery to the

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moment and the content, And Show up with

more of an authentic emotional presence.

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He became magnetic.

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Authenticity is charisma and

congruence is how you deliver it.

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Now the third charisma killer is one I've

experienced myself, especially from my

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time in storytelling and standup comedy.

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Way back when I used to think charisma

was all about impressing people, looking

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sharp, being witty, getting the laughs.

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But here's what I learned.

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Unfortunately, the hard way, but hard

lessons are ones that last for sure.

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Charisma isn't about being interesting,

it's about being interested.

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So in standup, the best

comedians listen to the room.

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They're tuned in.

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Curious, responsive.

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And I'm not talking about engaging

with hecklers, although that can be

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a part of it, but I'm really talking

about noticing energy shifting, maybe

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changing a delivery just based on the

energy of the room that you are in.

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When I shifted from more of a look

at me to let me really connect

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with you, everything changed.

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Energy shifted for me and

audiences leaned in more.

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I'll say this as well, it made me a

little less scared of going up on stage

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because I wasn't there so much for me

or for what I was going to get outta

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the experience I was more interested

in delivering something good to my

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audience and connecting with them.

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And when the focus is on things that

aren't based on how good you are or

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what you can deliver, or the accolades

that you might get afterwards, if

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you do a great job, things shift.

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Whether you're speaking on stage or in a

podcast or one-on-one, curiosity connects.

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Conversation particularly, you know,

if you want to connect with people

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who might be giving you referrals or

additional bookings, having genuine

122

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curiosity in people enables you to deepen

connections and have people feel that

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you really cared and really heard them.

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When you genuinely want to understand your

audience, when you adapt to them in the

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moment, they will feel it, and that's what

charisma looks like from the inside out.

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So let's quickly recap the three

Charisma Killers to look out for here

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over explaining or over teaching, which

is turning your keynote into more of

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a training session and trying to pack

everything in to 45 to 60 minutes or

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however long you're doing, sometimes

delivering super long keynotes just to

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try and fit everything in unnecessarily.

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Most keynotes probably shouldn't be

much over 45 to 60 minutes unless you

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are actually being asked to deliver

something that is longer than that.

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Incongruent energy, saying one thing

and looking or feeling or showing

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something a little different.

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Picking up a, um, having people's

emotional radar picking up and

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something isn't quite right, and that

lack of curiosity, focusing on your

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performance instead of connection.

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So these are just three of the seven

charisma killers that I'll be sharing

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and working with you to fix in my

upcoming live session, Charisma

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Killers, How to Spot and Stop What's

Sabotaging Your Stage Presence.

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So.

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It's gonna be free, it's gonna

be occurring monthly as well.

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So if you can't get on the one on

the 14th of August, there will be

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monthly repetitions of the event

for you to be able to come back.

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Or you can maybe try and find

the recording on either my

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LinkedIn profile or on YouTube.

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So in that session, which will

be around 45 minutes, I'm gonna

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show you how to identify which

charisma killers are affecting you.

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And what to do to fix them.

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It's gonna be free.

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It will be live.

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You'll be able to ask

questions at the end as well.

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And it's packed with practical insight.

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You'll find in the YouTube

description or show notes you feel

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on the audio podcast, a link for

you to register for the event now.

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And if you are listening after the

14th of August, well just make sure

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you're following me on YouTube or

LinkedIn and you will get notified

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the next time the event is running.

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Now if you want to increase your

bookings, re bookings, referrals,

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or just feel more magnetic when you

speak, you won't want to miss this.

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And hey, if any of these charisma

killers hit home for you, I

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would love to hear about it.

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So drop a comment or message me

directly and I'll look forward

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to seeing you at the live event.