Be a More Likeable Speaker To Land More Gigs (Without Being Fake)

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Do you want to get booked more as a speaker?

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Rebooked, sell your workshops,

coaching, consulting, or more easily

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turn your audience into raving

fans without needing to change a

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single word of your keynote talk.

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Then you need to understand

the principle of liking.

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Robert Cialdini discovered that

we are far more likely to say yes

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to people that we like, and when

you apply that as a speaker, it

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doesn't just improve your talk.

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It opens doors to referrals,

collaborations, and

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long-term speaking success.

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If you think your talk alone is enough to

get you booked and rebooked as a speaker.

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Think again.

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In this solo episode, I invite you

to explore with me one of Robert

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Cialdini's most powerful and underrated

principles of influence liking.

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Why do some speakers seem to

attract bookings, collaborations

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and referrals, even if they're

not the flashiest on stage?

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How can being genuinely likable build a

long-term success in your speaking career?

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And what's the difference

between authentic connection

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and manipulative charm?

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So this episode we'll break down the

psychology, the ethical application, and

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how being likable helped me to grow my

platform, my podcast, and my speaking

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business even in ways I didn't expect.

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If you're new to this channel, welcome,

please remember to like and subscribe.

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And if you have any questions,

you can put them in the chat box.

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out from the links in the description

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please do come and join us over on

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YouTube where you'll also find additional

episode clips, bonus videos, and more.

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In Cialdini's famous research,

he identified six core principles

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of influence and liking is

one of the most powerful.

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Simply put, we're more likely to

be influenced by people we like.

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When I started present influence,

I didn't have the, a huge audience.

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I arguably, I still don't, I

wasn't chasing the biggest names

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or playing the influencer game.

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I simply showed up with curiosity,

generosity, and a genuine interest in

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helping people to share their message.

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I was easy to work with.

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I prepared well.

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I followed up.

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I said thank you to people, and I always

focused on making good connections and

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relationships with the people whose

shows I went on, and to the people who

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have come and been guests on my show.

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So things started to happen.

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From that, I started getting

invited to speak at virtual

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summits and podcasting events.

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Some of the guests I'd interviewed

referred me to organizers and

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connected me with other opportunities.

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Some even referred clients to me.

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Some came to me to want to

work with me as well and to get

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feedback on their presentation.

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Sometimes interview skills.

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My inbox began to include emails with

comments like, you're one of the nicest

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people in the industry I've spoken to,

maybe we could collaborate on something.

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And here's the kicker.

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I've never tried to be the most

entertaining person in the room,

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although I do sometimes try to do that.

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But really what I focus more on is being

genuine, respectful, and collaborative

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with people, not transactional.

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So on the flip side, when I come across

people who feel very transactional,

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very self-promoting, they just wanna

see what they can get from you.

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And they're not really concerned about

having a relationship, and not as if

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we need to go out and the date

or anything, but it's not from a

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place of connection and friendship.

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It's really just from a case

of can we use each other?

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That's really what the transactional

stuff feels like and it doesn't feel good.

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And I will be honest, it's something

I haven't encountered very much in

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the podcasting world, but it is there.

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I would say maybe a little more in

the professional speaking world, and

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it is something to watch out for.

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Some people do get a little bit,

let's say, maybe carried away with

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their egos or maybe just a little too

transactional and I think sometimes

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people forget the importance of the

relationship side of things or maybe

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they're just not that interested in

those connections and relationships.

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look, I generally don't want to worry with

people who are like that, and not because

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they're bad people, but because I know

that ego first communication just doesn't

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connect well and it doesn't feel good.

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If you have already watched some of

the other videos in this series on

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Cialdini's influence skills for speakers,

you'll know that we tend to take a look

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at the ethics of these principles as

well, so here's how to use the liking

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principle ethically and effectively.

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Show some similarity.

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Use audience relevant

language when you're speaking.

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Use stories that will help to connect

with people, maybe some stories about

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a time that you failed at something

that shows a little vulnerability and

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allows people to connect with you there.

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Use examples, speak with your

audience and not at them.

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And don't try to place yourself above them

as being somebody who is better than them.

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We do not need to be the infallible gurus.

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We want to be really rather

someone who we acknowledge that

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we've made mistakes along the way,

but we have learned from them.

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We are growing and developing, and we may

be a little further ahead with some things

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than our audience that we're speaking to,

but we want to be able to connect with

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them And give them genuine compliments.

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And if they're interacting, say,

Hey, look, I love your energy.

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I love your interaction.

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Be nice to your audience.

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Be nice to the team that

you're working with.

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And this isn't to butter them up.

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This isn't sycophancy,

this isn't flattery.

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Authentic appreciation.

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It really makes a difference.

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So if you notice someone on the on the AV

team or somebody in the, you know, maybe

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there's a runner or a booking agent who's

come and been especially helpful to you,

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point that out and thank them for it.

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It really makes a difference.

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And create We moments use

more inclusive language.

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We us together involve your

audience in your message as well.

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Don't be the me, me, me speaker.

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Also, this is super important, I

believe this myself, and I've heard

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it from pretty much every speaker

I know, be easy to work with.

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So that means being responsible,

flexible, low drama, event organizers will

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remember if you made their life easier or

harder If you are flying into an event.

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You want to be the speaker who lets

them know, when your flight is landed,

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that you're there early and lets them

know if they want anything before

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the event that you're available.

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Being on time for events isn't arriving

just as you're about to on stage, it's

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being there well in advance, being

well prepared, maybe even being able

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to go and meet some of the people

who are in the event beforehand.

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Connect with your audience one to

one, and keeping your event team

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fully informed of what's going on

with you, but follow up as well.

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Thank them afterwards.

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Cards, gifts, flowers,

whatever seems appropriate.

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They're not generally a

huge cost to speakers.

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Okay?

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If you're doing an event for free, maybe

you don't wanna be investing a huge amount

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of money in that, but little thank yous.

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Little note, maybe just a handwritten

note to each of the people.

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That's really not gonna cost

you anything at all other than

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a little bit of time and effort.

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And it will make someone's day.

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Be human as well.

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Don't be a highlight reel.

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Share your quirks.

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Be yourself.

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Don't put on the suit of being

the professional speaker.

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And I've done a whole

episode just recently.

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You might wanna go and check out.

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I'll link it at the end of the video for

you on how professionalism and trying

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to be that professional image damages

your authenticity and your credibility.

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So showing humility and

vulnerability is valuable.

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We like people who are real and relatable.

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There are things that will block

your likability and just as there are

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ways to build likability, there are

behaviors that destroy it fast, and

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here are some of the biggest blocks to

likability, especially for speakers.

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Firstly, over focusing on

yourself too much me, me, me.

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Not enough, you or we or us.

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It makes you seem self-involved.

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Trying too hard to impress

over rehears delivery.

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Lots of name dropping, lots of jargon.

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Trying to use intelligent sounding words.

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They are just that.

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They sound intelligent, but

they're not helping you to connect.

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These all tend to indicate

a little bit of insecurity.

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Inauthentic positivity as well.

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don't you just hate fake

and forced positivity.

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People are forcing smiles, faking

the energy, flattering you in

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a manipulative kind of way.

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It's the definite likability killer,

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Having a lack of emotional presence.

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So people who are rushing or not

responding with any kind of emotion.

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They have monotone in their voice.

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They're not acknowledging the

room or they're individuals there.

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It all disconnects you.

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So be as present as you can be.

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Being rigid or unapproachable.

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You might have tabs on yourself.

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You might think you're the hottest ticket

in town, and that can lead to the ego

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taking over, having a bit of a my way or

the highway and it doesn't win hearts and

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minds and it doesn't get you rebooked.

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There is a subtle form of arrogance

that some people have as well.

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There's a little bit condescending to

the audience, so talking down to people

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maybe creating a little bit of superiority

over them creates some distance.

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Now, no matter how wonderful you

think you are, you're still a person

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and you're still flawed, you're still

human because we are all flawed.

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Own that.

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If you can't own that, then you might

need to do a little bit of work on

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moving into a growth mindset rather

than a fixed one, and people who

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have low warmth and high control.

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So even when you are incredibly skilled,

you might have great delivery as a

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speaker, but it could be cold, and

if that delivery is cold and people

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don't feel a warmth from you, it's

going to undermine your level of trust.

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People want to be able to feel they could

talk to you off the stage that you are

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just as relatable off stage as on there.

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So likability, it's not about

being soft, it's about being

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open, connected, and more human.

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There is a bit where, and this really is

where people tend to get things wrong.

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Likability is not about fake

charm or people pleasing.

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You don't need to be overly

polished or try to win everyone.

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In fact, authenticity is more

powerful than perfection.

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So your goal isn't to get everyone

to like you give up on that now.

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It's never going to happen.

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In fact, you'll probably anticipate

there's always gonna be people in your

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audience who just won't like you no matter

what you do, no matter what you say.

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Don't waste your time

trying to win them over.

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Plenty of people will like you and

there's also gonna be a large amount of

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people who be somewhat indifferent and

you could potentially win them over.

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Those are the people who maybe you can

pull over to the side, but don't waste

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time trying to get everyone to like you.

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It will never happen.

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You're better off having a goal

of showing up as someone who's

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worth trusting and connecting with.

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And I often say this when I'm doing

presentation training with people that

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you really want to be on stage you want

to have an air of warmth and competence.

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People want to know that they can

feel comfortable with you, that

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they can feel safe with you, and

that you know what you're doing

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and what you're talking about.

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When we fake those things, we

set ourselves up for a fall.

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Now this bit is important.

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Likability won't make up for a bad

talk, but it can elevate a good

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one into something unforgettable.

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So be the speaker that

people want to be around.

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Be open and willing to speak

and connect with people.

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Be the speaker they trust.

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The one they say, oh, we need them back.

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If you found this valuable, don't

forget to like and subscribe and

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follow for more influence and speaking

strategies, maybe share this video

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with a fellow speaker who needs it.

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And, and do check the links in the show

notes for free tools to help you build

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ethical influence on and off stage.

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the Next episode in this series

is gonna be about one of the heavy

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hitters of influence, reciprocity.

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So until next time, stay present,

stay likable and stay influential.