Episode 170
Are you just kidding yourself? Do you have what it takes to make a business work?
Do you ever wonder if you're just kidding yourself about being in business as a coach, speaker or consultant?
Are you one of the many who talk a good game but don't deliver the goods or one of the people who get stuck in overthinking things to the point of inaction?
Do you have realistic expectations and are they based on the action you're going to take to achieve the outcomes or... are you just kidding yourself?
This week I wanted to try out a somewhat more freeform style of episode, more like a fireside chat. Let me know if you like it or think it was a mess. Next week I'm bringing you my chat with The Queen. No, not Camilla, Christine Ammerman, the Queen of Podcast guesting. Don't miss it.
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Transcript
Welcome to Podfluence, the show for business coaches and speakers
John Ball:who are looking to build influence and authority through podcasting.
John Ball:In this episode of the show, I wanted to discuss something that I
John Ball:hear come up a lot with clients.
John Ball:And it comes into a few different issues.
John Ball:One of the main ones just being insecurity and things that stop us from being
John Ball:able to achieve success in our lives.
John Ball:And part of it is that thing of, are you just kidding yourself?
John Ball:Can you really make this happen?
John Ball:And I think it's reasonable to ask ourselves this question, and I want to
John Ball:spend some time examining it because it does come up for people a lot.
John Ball:This episode is perhaps, perhaps gonna be a little more free form than
John Ball:some of the other episodes that I'm doing, but my aim is gonna be to share
John Ball:with you some of my own insights and experience in terms of dealing with
John Ball:this thing of, with this insecurity of wondering if we're just kidding
John Ball:ourselves about whether we can have any level of success in life or business,
John Ball:or if we're just kidding ourselves.
John Ball:With that said, if you are not already subscribed to the Podfluence podcast,
John Ball:then I invite you to do that Now, if you have your device in your hand, please
John Ball:make sure that you open up the player that you're listening to this on, and
John Ball:click the plus button if you're on Apple or Spotify or whatever it is, you
John Ball:need to press on your device to make sure that you are following the show.
John Ball:For more episodes with me, by myself, and certainly more so with my amazing guests
John Ball:who are coming up on the show very soon.
John Ball:In fact, we will be speaking with the Queen of Podcast Guesting very soon, and
John Ball:if you wanna find out more about who she is and what she does and the amazing value
John Ball:that she shares in her episode, then you do want to make sure you're subscribed.
John Ball:So, Let's get into this episode of Pod Fluence.
John Ball:So welcome to the show, and as I said, this is gonna be a little bit more of a
John Ball:freeform episode, but I want to really take a look at the whole concept of
John Ball:whether we're just kidding ourselves.
John Ball:That thing that comes up in our head this part of ourselves, maybe
John Ball:our inner saboteur, we could call it.
John Ball:That sometimes seems like it's laughing at us, that we don't
John Ball:really have what we said we want.
John Ball:We're not really as far as far along with things as we expected or hoped to be, and
John Ball:we wonder if we're just kidding ourselves.
John Ball:If we can ever really have any kind of success, if we're
John Ball:ever gonna break through.
John Ball:If you're ever gonna be anyone of note as a coach or a speaker or a podcast,
John Ball:or whatever it is that you are looking to do, maybe all of these and more.
John Ball:A quick update on me professionally, , because if you have been listening
John Ball:to the show, you'll know that
John Ball:for a while I was working with the team at Grow The Show.
John Ball:Unfortunately, things just didn't work out there and ended up moving
John Ball:on, but I'm now working with the team at the Speaker lab with Grant Baldwin
John Ball:and his team, and it is an amazing group of people to be working with.
John Ball:Where I get to on a daily basis, fulfill part of my mission of helping people
John Ball:to build influence on authority, on the path of becoming professional speakers.
John Ball:I'm loving the work.
John Ball:I get to do that.
John Ball:and thank you to Grant and the team.
John Ball:In fact, I was listening to Grant's book, the successful speaker, something I, I
John Ball:put it when it came out and decided to re-listen to the audio book just recently.
John Ball:And one of the things that came up was an interview at the end of the
John Ball:audio book, and I'm not sure if this is in the actual hardback book.
John Ball:I haven't checked it.
John Ball:I should go and take a look.
John Ball:But, Grant was asked whether he still has any insecurities about his success and
John Ball:about, about the longevity of his career and things, and he said very much so.
John Ball:Like all the time, still has fears or, you know, still has that imposter syndrome
John Ball:still has those insecurities about
John Ball:who is he to be doing all of this?
John Ball:All this questions come up, but it doesn't stop him from taking action.
John Ball:That was very powerful for me to hear that.
John Ball:And you know, I've spoken to Grant a few times.
John Ball:He's been a guest on this show back in February, 2022,
John Ball:you can go and take a listen.
John Ball:It was a great chat with him and now I'm working with him.
John Ball:It's great.
John Ball:But he's such a down to earth person, very natural, very normal.
John Ball:And I can understand why we feel like we sometimes have to be these larger than
John Ball:live celebrity peop type people with X factor to star quality and all this
John Ball:all the time, those things are great to have, but they're not essential.
John Ball:We still have plenty of great qualities that we can turn up and
John Ball:enhance to get ourselves out there, to be noticed, to be valuable, to be
John Ball:interesting to people, and engaging, growing our authority and our status.
John Ball:But are you just kidding yourself that you can make it happen for you?
John Ball:What?
John Ball:What are the reasons why it wouldn't?
John Ball:Well, I can think for my, from my own experience, one of the things that has
John Ball:caused me to ask myself that question more than any other has been because
John Ball:of not taking action of overthinking things, really getting caught up in
John Ball:planning and trying to make things perfect before even getting started.
John Ball:And it's an issue that came up in my last episode with Angela Henderson and, and
John Ball:it was great to revisit that and I wrote a little about it in my blog as well.
John Ball:If you're not already following Podfluencer Weekly, please do.
John Ball:I mean it's free to follow on LinkedIn.
John Ball:And you can also follow it Through Convert Kit.
John Ball:You'll find the links in the show notes.
John Ball:And I like to write about this stuff because it's stuff that I've been
John Ball:through myself and I don't always want to just talk about my own experience.
John Ball:I wanna talk about experiences that clients I have worked with as well.
John Ball:Because it's important that we get that it's not just one
John Ball:person's perspective on the world.
John Ball:These are commonalities that many of us share.
John Ball:And we want to make sure that we understand that we can
John Ball:move past these things.
John Ball:We can grow, we can develop, we can change.
John Ball:They don't have to hold us back.
John Ball:But I will say this, I've seen people with such great potential, such great
John Ball:knowledge who probably do deserve to be really well known for what they do.
John Ball:But they're not.
John Ball:And the reason why they're not is because they just don't take enough action.
John Ball:They don't actually generally have the belief in themselves to be able to get up
John Ball:on, on the stage and get past that voice inside of them, the inner saboteur that's
John Ball:telling them they're not good enough.
John Ball:That's telling them they're not entertaining enough.
John Ball:That's telling them that they're not influential enough.
John Ball:They don't have the status or, or the following or whatever it is,
John Ball:but that voice will come up and it will take you out every single time.
John Ball:Someone else who I've worked with a great deal over the years is
John Ball:T Harv Eker and Harv calls this mind freak, Mental Friction.
John Ball:It's the stuff that comes up when we start trying to do good things in
John Ball:our lives and to make things better.
John Ball:Your brain starts to throw out all the reasons why you can't do that, why
John Ball:it's not for you, and we'll try and take you out of the game if you let it.
John Ball:And that really is what this episode is about, how to not let that kind
John Ball:of thing take you out the game.
John Ball:There's an old adage that some of you may have heard.
John Ball:I don't like it and I don't necessarily agree with it, but the
John Ball:thing of those who can do and those who can't teach is not really true.
John Ball:But there is an element to which there's far more value, in my personal opinion,
John Ball:in somebody who has experiential knowledge than someone who just has.
John Ball:Informational knowledge that just has book knowledge.
John Ball:There's a very big difference that when book knowledge meets
John Ball:reality, it doesn't always match up.
John Ball:And that's not, oh, of course sometimes it does, but quite often it doesn't.
John Ball:And, and so people who've been through the experience and know the kind of stuff
John Ball:that does actually come up, the challenges that arise in these kinds of situations,
John Ball:have a very different understanding in the application of knowledge than
John Ball:people who just have the knowledge without the application and experience.
John Ball:And that's really what I'm talking about here as well, because we don't know until
John Ball:we try and very often we don't really try or we half try because we think we
John Ball:probably will fail or we think we're not really good enough so we don't commit.
John Ball:We have commit because if we're not fully committed then we
John Ball:haven't really lost anything.
John Ball:If we don't go all in, then it's not quite so embarrasing.
John Ball:It's, oh, I wasn't, I wasn't, you know, if when it fails then and
John Ball:I wasn't really all in on it, I wasn't really fully committed to it.
John Ball:You have your excuse already to go, but that is probably
John Ball:the reason why you did fail.
John Ball:The reason why it didn't work out or go as well as you wanted, or another one
John Ball:that I've been guilty of as well is that success doesn't happen quick enough.
John Ball:The following doesn't build quick enough and take podcasting.
John Ball:And I, my goodness, if I had known how long it takes to build an
John Ball:audience through podcasting or through blogging or things like that, I might
John Ball:never have started these things.
John Ball:But yet I'm so glad that I did because I get to talk about stuff like this
John Ball:and uh, and I do know from people who come on the show and from people who do
John Ball:feed back to me from articles and from episodes, value that they've taken away
John Ball:and things that they've learned from it.
John Ball:So I keep doing it and hopefully keep improving at it as well and worry less
John Ball:about what people are thinking about me or, or whether I really am good
John Ball:enough, because I would much rather get stuff out there that might just
John Ball:inspire someone or make a difference or give them that piece of knowledge
John Ball:or understanding that allows them to get to the goals and objectives that
John Ball:are looking to be, do, have, or create.
John Ball:I would say if, if you are one of these people who just talks a good
John Ball:game and doesn't really take action or you know, you just want to, I impress
John Ball:people and look good, but you don't really care about the substance to
John Ball:that, it's gonna be very difficult.
John Ball:And you might actually just be kidding yourself.
John Ball:If you are one of those people who just goes from project to project, business
John Ball:to business, New thing to new thing, which I've been guilty of as well.
John Ball:you may be be kidding yourself if you're just not seeing things through,
John Ball:if you're really just not prepared to stick with stuff long enough to get to
John Ball:a point at which it might have success.
John Ball:And what tends to happen for many others, and I, I actually this particularly in,
John Ball:in people who do not network marketing kinds of businesses, initial enthusiasm.
John Ball:Always fades.
John Ball:It just doesn't last.
John Ball:It doesn't matter how excited you are about something and how motivated
John Ball:you are when it gets started.
John Ball:Once the rubber hits the road, life will throw up curve balls, things will happen.
John Ball:Unexpected stuff, things you could never have planned for.
John Ball:It nearly always takes longer than you think it's going to take, and it gets
John Ball:frustrating or the results don't come in
John Ball:anything like you were expecting or the responses you get are
John Ball:very different to what you were imagining and people get put off.
John Ball:I'll tell you a story.
John Ball:When I, when I very first, when I very first started creating video content,
John Ball:back in early days of YouTube, I decided to post up some marketing videos and,
John Ball:uh, oh my goodness, it didn't go well.
John Ball:And this is in a time where now, now if you post a video on YouTube and you don't
John Ball:really have a following or anyone's, no, no one's really gonna pay attention to
John Ball:it, you might not get any views at all.
John Ball:And, and that's pretty normal now.
John Ball:It takes a while to build that following.
John Ball:It takes a while to get attention.
John Ball:You need the optimization plans and stuff, but in the early days of
John Ball:YouTube, you didn't really need that.
John Ball:Like if you were posting videos, you were one of a handful of
John Ball:people really, who were posting videos and making content there.
John Ball:You would get seen, you would get watched, and my videos got watched,
John Ball:not necess, I'm not talking hundreds or thousands or anything like that, but
John Ball:they got watched and they got criticized.
John Ball:In fact, they got pulled apart.
John Ball:I personally got rinsed from my videos because they were so bad, they're so
John Ball:inauthentic and I couldn't deal with it.
John Ball:I couldn't deal with the feedback, the negativity.
John Ball:I was just get, trying to get started out trying to do something good, really
John Ball:trying to step, put myself in that sort of discomfort zone of doing something
John Ball:that I was scared about doing, and the feedback I got was so negative generally
John Ball:that it stopped me from doing anything for a couple more years.
John Ball:It was a, a good long time before I put anything else out on YouTube.
John Ball:I care far less about that stuff now.
John Ball:I care far less about that on podcasting as well.
John Ball:It's like negative criticism is always gonna come from somewhere and
John Ball:some one and if there's something valid there and if there's something
John Ball:to take away from that, then great.
John Ball:But very often that negativity, that negative criticism is really all about.
John Ball:Someone else's negativity, someone else seeing you out there doing your thing and
John Ball:thinking, oh, and they may be thinking, I could do it better, but guess what?
John Ball:They're not.
John Ball:They're not out there doing it better.
John Ball:They're just there criticizing you, imagining that they could do a better job.
John Ball:And that sucks just tearing other people down because you
John Ball:are not where you want to be.
John Ball:Look, to be honest, if they, if they were, if, if they were anywhere near
John Ball:where they wanted to be, they probably wouldn't be having time to watch your
John Ball:stuff on YouTube or where whatever channels they may be watching it on,
John Ball:they'd be too busy getting on with it.
John Ball:And, They would hopefully be of a mind that they understand that
John Ball:a rising tide raises all ships.
John Ball:That we should be helping to build each other up, not tear each other down.
John Ball:You gain nothing from that.
John Ball:You might feel better about it in a moment.
John Ball:You might even feel that it gives you that little bit of power to make someone
John Ball:feel like crap for, um, however long that might do that, that you might just, you
John Ball:know, really hit someone where it hurts and then punch them in the emotions.
John Ball:And you might, you might well achieve that cuz a lot of people are very sensitive
John Ball:and do take that stuff very personally.
John Ball:I certainly used to and don't so much now, but we are not prepared,
John Ball:we're not prepared for that.
John Ball:To have the mental resilience that we need to have to put ourselves out onto stages.
John Ball:Whether that's public speaking stages, virtual stages, podcasts,
John Ball:books, um, other online content.
John Ball:These are all stages.
John Ball:These are all platforms in which we present ourselves.
John Ball:And there is a level to which we must accept that if we're gonna do that, if
John Ball:we have a message to share, if we have an audience to serve, if we've decided
John Ball:that we have a purpose, a mission, a vision for what we want to create, to
John Ball:help people to make a difference and to do something positive in the world, then
John Ball:that is worth putting yourself in the way of some negative criticism to get that.
John Ball:In fact, it's also worth going through the levels of sucking at it, until
John Ball:you get good or at least get better, or to get to the point where people
John Ball:will be happy to listen to you for a while, or you may even start to get
John Ball:noticed for what you're doing or saying.
John Ball:It takes time to get there, and most people are not prepared to suck.
John Ball:They're not prepared to go through what we call the level of conscious competence
John Ball:where you're having to learn all the stuff that makes you better at what you do.
John Ball:We do have this ridiculous idea that we're supposed to be naturally good at stuff
John Ball:from the start, and it is ridiculous.
John Ball:Nobody is born being naturally good.
John Ball:Some people do have, dispositions that make things easier for them.
John Ball:They maybe have a great level of confidence.
John Ball:They may be very attractive people and have a genetic advice of genetic
John Ball:advantages, and that's all good.
John Ball:But one thing I'll say is
John Ball:this.
John Ball:Will, determination, commitment, persistence, driving forward with this
John Ball:will nearly always outdo natural talent, inability in the long run because unless
John Ball:the people with their natural gifts do realize and recognize that they need to
John Ball:train too, that they need to grow beyond just what they can naturally, easily do.
John Ball:And keep that growth going.
John Ball:That growth should be a never ending thing for any of us, like we
John Ball:should always be looking for ways to keep growing and developing.
John Ball:If you don't realize that you will start to regress at some point.
John Ball:Natural ability will only get you so far.
John Ball:You will be watching other people overtake you at some point, and
John Ball:that is not going to be fun.
John Ball:So here's the thing.
John Ball:Are you just killing yourself or are you serious about this?
John Ball:So here's what I'll say.
John Ball:If you really want to make a difference, if you have a, a mission and a
John Ball:message to share with people, then you have to be prepared to take some
John Ball:of the shit that comes along with it.
John Ball:And if you're not, if you're too sensitive to that, if you're not really willing, To
John Ball:get feedback, to grow from that feedback and to recognize you don't have to be
John Ball:good at stuff right from the start.
John Ball:It's all about improving.
John Ball:If you can't do that, then you are kidding yourself.
John Ball:You're not gonna get anywhere.
John Ball:You are gonna keep yourself at a level to which you're comfortable,
John Ball:and you may talk a great game.
John Ball:You may have great ideas, you may have some natural gifts.
John Ball:You may have your little group who love what you do, but it's
John Ball:never really gonna go beyond that.
John Ball:And so, yeah, you would be kidding yourself in that kind of situation.
John Ball:If all you ever do is come up with great ideas and spend all your time thinking
John Ball:about them, or you have these sort of plans of what you want to be, do, have,
John Ball:or create in your life and all you do is go and meditate on it or write about it,
John Ball:put it in your journal, or visualize it.
John Ball:But nothing ever really happens.
John Ball:That's why you are kidding yourself.
John Ball:Action is the key, is the secret to all of this, and is the thing that
John Ball:will get you past all of those fears and all of the stuff that comes up.
John Ball:When your mind frick starts to take you out, you tell
John Ball:yourself, I'm gonna, that's okay.
John Ball:Oh, one thing
John Ball:harv says, thank you for sharing.
John Ball:I love that.
John Ball:Tell your unsupportive mind when it is unsupportive, thank you for sharing.
John Ball:You acknowledge it's there.
John Ball:You're not trying to suppress it.
John Ball:You acknowledge it's there and you accept that that is reality of a thought that's
John Ball:come up in your head, but it is just that.
John Ball:It's just a thought.
John Ball:So thank your mind for sharing and then remind yourself.
John Ball:You don't have to listen to that.
John Ball:You've acknowledged it.
John Ball:It's there, the thought's there, but yeah.
John Ball:Okay.
John Ball:Whatever.
John Ball:Thanks for sharing.
John Ball:I'm gonna take action anyway.
John Ball:And that's the decision we have to make.
John Ball:And that's how we start developing some mental resilience because
John Ball:it's, uh, it's not just about us.
John Ball:And when it becomes about something more than just about us and what we want for
John Ball:ourselves or, about us looking good, or us looking cool, it's not about that.
John Ball:It's about service.
John Ball:It's about who you can help.
John Ball:It's about the difference that you can make.
John Ball:And if that's what you are about, you will weather whatever comes your way.
John Ball:Because it's worth it for the people who you want to serve.
John Ball:You will stand in the way of the slings and arrows that people may throw at
John Ball:you, at least metaphorically, hopefully not physically, because it's worth it
John Ball:to make that difference and to help the people who you want to help to share
John Ball:the message that you want to share.
John Ball:This is your purpose, and if you are not prepared to put yourself in some
John Ball:discomfort, To feel those sometimes horrible feelings of not being very good
John Ball:at something or having a presentation not go very well, or a podcast interview
John Ball:that you sounded awful on or you said the wrong thing on, or that you feel like
John Ball:you looked like a fool in a particular situation, or you wrote an article
John Ball:with something that got misinterpreted.
John Ball:All that stuff's gonna happen, but it's all part of the process.
John Ball:And that's how you get to where you wanna get.
John Ball:So if you can push through and keep taking action, then I would say
John Ball:that you're not kidding yourself.
John Ball:You will get there.
John Ball:But accept that the road may be longer than you wish it was, but
John Ball:it will all be worth it when you start seeing the results from it.
John Ball:And that's it.
John Ball:That's this episode of Podfluence.
John Ball:Really just to share with you that you can do this.
John Ball:But get out your head, get out of your mind frick.
John Ball:Get out of whatever it is that is allowing you to think that you don't have to
John Ball:take the action, or that you can just keep talking about taking action and
John Ball:not actually doing it, because that is never going to create real world results.
John Ball:And I want you to have real world results.
John Ball:I want you to make a difference that this whole podcast is about
John Ball:giving you some of the tools and resources to be able to do that.
John Ball:And that's why I hope you'll first of all come back and listen to us
John Ball:again, especially when I have my interview with Christine Ammerman,
John Ball:who's the queen of podcast guesting.
John Ball:I'm very much looking forward to bringing that interview for you.
John Ball:She shared so much wonderful information and she's such a nice person as well.
John Ball:Hope you'll come back and join me for that.
John Ball:I hope this episode has been some value for you as well and I will appreciate
John Ball:any feedback on what you think of this
John Ball:somewhat more free form style of the show, right?
John Ball:I knew what I wanted to talk about.
John Ball:I knew I had something to share today and I just wanted to try this out.
John Ball:Did it work?
John Ball:Did it not?
John Ball:I'd love to hear from you.
John Ball:I'm ready for that feedback and I'm ready to take those chances
John Ball:that what I put out in this episode may not be to the quality that you
John Ball:expect from Podfluence or from me.
John Ball:Or it might be, ah, we'd like a bit more of this.
John Ball:We'd like to hear a bit more I wanna hear you talking directly to me.
John Ball:You want to hear you.
John Ball:want to have that, that conversation as if I was there to join in with
John Ball:you, cuz I love this and, uh, I would love to do more of it.
John Ball:So lemme know what you think.
John Ball:Join us again next time for Podfluence and I will very much look forward
John Ball:, to connecting with you there.
John Ball:Wherever you're going, wherever you're doing, have an amazing rest of your day.